he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
