I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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