i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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