In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
smell my finger.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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