Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
