Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
