made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
