trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
