Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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