Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He did a backflip because drugs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
