so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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