Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
