I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
someone owes me an orgasm
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
