He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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