Only a mothe r could love this liver
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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