if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
