can u get pink eye on your cock?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize