they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize