so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i came on her dog
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
