I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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