Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
