She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
