I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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