you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
