He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
