i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
