so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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