Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
