I will die if light touches me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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