There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
