it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
