I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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