You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
