i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
