I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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