We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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