Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
