.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
