party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
