is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
