Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The air was thick with penises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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