The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
