I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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