I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize