i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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