i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
