$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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