If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
