Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
