Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize