he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What drink are we having for lunch?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize