My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
