i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you never un-have a 4some
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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