God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
