ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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