dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
