my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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