Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
