hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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