your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
