Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
