the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
