I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
