I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
