so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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