my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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