im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
