Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
