I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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