Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
