i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
