I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
