What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize