a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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