also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
