I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
