It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
whose parrot is this?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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