How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
