Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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