Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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