are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
