My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
